Kuriboh want sexy Mai
by The Tyrant King Kong
Summary: Two years later, the amazing return of Kuriboh want sexy Mai. CH 6 is finally up, featuring the cause of that scuffling noise, more sexiness, and more Kuriboh underwear collecting! Kuriboh go big, then small, then warm and fuzzy UPDATED
1. Kuriboh want sexy Mai

A/N: I was extremely lacking in what I should write; also, I was extremely bored so I decided to write this.  Kind of based on my actual deck, which is odd in itself.  However, you will find that most things I write are odd, if you take the times out of your odd lives and check out my other odd works you will…………….odd……………odd………..odd………….odd.

Disclaimer: I am in no way associate with Yu-Gi-Oh, or its creator or anything like that.  I wish I was associated with Mai though (Drools).

Something I noticed: Have you ever noticed that most female counterparts in anime have quite short skirts or shorts?  Mai, Taya, Jessie, Misty, the Sailor Moon girls.  All of them with short skirts or shorts, but hey; who's complaining?

            (Location: nightstand in human's bedroom   POV: Third person, focused on Kuriboh)

            Poor little Kuriboh.  He couldn't speak, seeing as he lacked a mouth, but managed to make a series of strange noises with his mouth.  Er, scratch that, Kuriboh could talk, but he didn't do it too often.  Kuriboh did not like being trapped in a card, but he liked being summoned in battle.  Being about a foot tall was tough, but being a foot tall and being the worst monster card there is was tougher.

            Well little Kuriboh had just about enough of being used as a sacrifice, especially for the Dark Magician behind him.  So, Kuriboh decided to have a talk with the Dark Magician.  They both slipped off the nightstand and propped themselves up on a random shoe.

            "What do you want," demanded the Dark Magician.

            "Kuriboh want out of card."

            "Sorry, my magic isn't strong enough yet to do that.  Ask me again in a thousand years."

            "No!  Kuriboh want out now!  Kuriboh make older.  Kuriboh use Time Wizard on you!"  Kuriboh threw his miniature Time Wizard at the Dark Magician.

            "Alright, fine, I'll get you out of your card," wheezed the Dark Sage.

            (New Location: Mai's house   POV: First Person)

            I woke up because my sexy self needed to find a new outfit to wear today.  Hmm, let's see.  Ah!  This one is perfect!

            (New Location: streets of Domino   POV: Third person)

            Kuriboh prowled the streets, looking for a certain house.  The Dark Sage was behind him, wheezing of course, because he was an old man after all.

            "Kuriboh want old man to hurry.  Kuriboh think old man too old for this."

            "Be quiet.  You would be tired if you were 1032 years old.  Of course you wouldn't be tired as you are now.  It's not everyday someone encounters a six foot ball of gray fluff."  Kuriboh appears angry.

            "What you say?  You say Kuriboh six foot!"  Then Kuriboh discovered he also aged 1000 years.  Kuriboh examines his new self.  "Kuriboh no like being old.  But Kuriboh like new attack and defense power and new sharp claws.  Now Kuriboh stronger than old man was when he young!"

            Dark Sage looks worried.  He realizes that his attack is only 100 now and that Kuriboh's is now 2600.

            "Make Kuriboh young again now!"  The Dark Sage throws the Time Wizard to Kuriboh.  Now Kuriboh and the Dark Magician are back to their normal states.

            "Kuriboh and magic man continue search!"

(Location: my room   POV: First person)

            Oh no, my deck!  What happened to my deck?  All that's left here are magic cards…  Hmm?  What's this?  Two blank cards…with attack and defense points on them still?

(New Location: Mai's house   POV: chat room)

Mai: I think I'll just put on some red lipstick.  Oh yeah, I'll also put on some of this sexy perfume.

(Thumping at door)

Mai: Who could that be at six in the morning…? (Opens door)  Kuriboh?

Kuriboh: Kuriboh want Mai… (Grunts)

Mai: (Screams)

(New location: Joey's street   POV: Third person)

            "Come on, quick, I'll keep us hidden!"  The Wall of Illusion kept all of the human's deck shrouded in black.

            "Charge!" shouts the Swordstalker and he charges at Joey's house.

            "Oh brother," mumbles the dream clown.

(Location: Mai's house   POV: Chat room)

Mai: Why are you real?

Kuriboh: Magic man make Kuriboh come alive.

Dark Magician: Yes that was me.

Mai: Get away from me!  (Empties contents of underwear drawer on Kuriboh's head)

Dark Magician: Oh, bad decision.

Kuriboh: Kuriboh feel warm and fuzzy.

Dark Magician: You're always warm and fuzzy.

Kuriboh: Oh.

(Joey busts in the house)

Joey: AHHH!  Help!  Those little creeps are chasing me!  By the way, nice outfit (drools).

Mai: The Kuriboh is trying to make a move on me!

Kuriboh: Kuriboh want Mai.  Mai sexy and smell good too.

Swordstalker: Ooh, I want the Malevolent Nuzzler; she's turquoise and sexy too (drools).

Joey: Yeah, he's right, you do smell nice.

Swordstalker: Who you talking about?

Joey: I'm talking about Mai…

Kuriboh: Girl.

Swordstalker: Who?

Joey: Mai!

Kuriboh: Girl.

Joey: I'm talking about Mai!

Kuriboh: Girl.

Swordstalker: Who?

Joey: Ah, forget it.

Kuriboh: What make me feel this way?

Joey: Mai…

Kuriboh: Girl.  (Starts ripping off Mai shirt)

Mai: Get away, get away!

Joey: (Eats popcorn)

Mai: (Screams)

(Location: my room   POV: First person)

            What the…  My entire deck has empty cards!

(New Location: Mai's Bedroom   POV: Chat room)

Mai: "AHH!  Get your hands off me Joey"

***Fifteen minutes later***

Mai: Care for a smoke, Joey?

A/N: *Gasp* Has Joey just done what I think he did?  More mad romping due to come!  (Drools)


	2. Kuriboh want sexy Taya

A/N: More madness coming your way.  And now with new and improved Kuribohs.  Yay, Kuribohs. And more Mai (Drool).  Also, we'll have some Taya coming up in this one (Taya, Drool).

            (New Location: Taya's house   POV: Third person)

            Taya woke up at six thirty, when it was still starting to get bright outside.  She yawned and proceeded to put on her skimpy skirt and shirt and did her morning ritual.  First, she dialed Yugi's number and talked for a little bit about odds and ends.  Then she gave Joey a rang on his phone and found he wasn't there.

            _Hmm, that's weird, Taya thought, __I wonder where he could have got to.  I'd better go check his house.  The walk to Joey's was short and in moments she found herself knocking at his door.  When it did not open, Taya entered into the house.  The door was unlocked.  That meant Joey had gone out lately._

            Inside on his coffee table, she found a strange holder, like that of a video camcorder.  It was exactly as she thought it was.  The only problem with it was its lacking of a camcorder, or recording tape for that matter.  Taya had an idea of where Joey might be.

            She stepped outside and quickly caught the scent of brimstone and other strange scents.  She followed the scents to a street and then she knew where Joey went.  She rushed in past a pile of strange monsters and into the only probable place there was.

            (New Location: Mai's bedroom   POV: Third Person, focused on Mai)

            Mai saw Taya enter the room and scream.  At first, she wondered why, but then remembered Joey next to her and the lack of clothes on either of them.  Mai was happy for the time being.

            (New POV: Third person)

            Taya was about to turn away, when Kuriboh launched at her and tried ripping off her clothes.  In seconds, Kuriboh had tossed her shorts and shirt on the ground.

            "Kuriboh add to collection now."  Taya screamed again and tripped trying to run out of the room.  Then Joey woke up.

            "Mmm," he said sleepily, "Talking 'bout Mai girl…"

            (New Location: my room   POV: First person)

            Where the hell could my monsters have gone?  Oh, I know!  I could get on my laptop and hack into the satellite system and search for any living organisms that lack body heat!  Yes!  Oh?  What's this?  It looks like I hacked into a camcorder of some sort.  I wonder what's on it…

            (New Location: Yugi Moto's house   POV: Third person)

            Yugi lay back on his bed and closed his eyes for a second.  This would be the only bit of rest he'd get in a long, long time.  Suddenly, his spirit self, Yami, took control.  For Yami, in being locked in the Puzzle for so long, was not only talkative, but hormonal to boot.  It seemed he could find a scene of great energy from a mile away and Yugi was carried, carried to someone's house; a house that he knew all too well.

            (Location: Mai's bedroom   POV: Chat room)

Taya: (Screams)

Kuriboh: Kuriboh must complete lingerie collection.  Kuriboh need Taya's and Kuriboh be satisfied.

Mai: (Rolls over on Joey)

Taya: No, no!

(Yugi/Yami rushes into the room)

Yami: Mai!  What is going on here?

Mai: Oh no!  (Rolls off Joey and gets out of bed)

Joey: Hey, where ya goin?

Kuriboh: Kuriboh give kudos to Kuriboh, lingerie collection complete.

Taya: (Tries to cover up)

Dark Magician: Yes!  Kuriboh has finished our collection!

Mai: Listen, Yami, I can explain.

Taya: Give it back you little freak!

Kuriboh: No.  Kuriboh not give back.

Yami: What the hell are you doing with Joey!  Of all people!

Joey: What's that supposed to mean!  You sayin I'm ugly and devoid of charm, huh?

Yami: (Looks strangely at Joey)

Joey: Whaaat?

Yami: (Points at his own pants)

Joey: (Blushes)

Taya: (Jumps on Kuriboh)

Kuriboh: Kuriboh like.

Mai: (Screams)

Taya: Give it back!

            (New Location: Tristan's house   POV: Chatroomesque)

Tristan: (Starts making out with Serenity)

~~~~~By the way, how old is Serenity?~~~~~

            (New Location: Bakura's house   POV: First Person.)

            Those fools!  Such amateurs!  I'll show them how to do it correctly, and all the while being bad ass.

            (New Location: Kaibacorp HQ   POV: First Person)

            It's time.  I'll join with Yami Bakura and show the amateurs how to do it right!  And I'll be bad ass also and have cold blue eyes!

            (Location: Mai's bedroom   POV: Chat room

Joey: Mai girl…

Mai: No please Yami!  Don't leave, please I need you!  Without you I can never be sexy and seductive ever again!

Yami: Well in that case…

Taya: Aha!  My thong!

Dark Magician: No!  She got it back!

Kuriboh: I feel warm and fuzzy…

A/N: And so it ends!  Madness number three up ahead, now with bad asses Kaiba and Bakura!  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	3. Kuriboh want sexy, um, Bakura?

A/N: Hey hey everyone!  I got my first flame!  I feel warm and fuzzy.  I'm leaving it there so I can laugh at it when I have a bad day.  Because personally I think that is hilarious.  More Kuriboh that sounds like Neanderthal on coke.  Anyway, madness romp number three coming up.

            (New Location: Streets of Domino   Time: 7:00 A.M   POV: Third person)

            Kaiba told his limo driver to speed up.  The plan was in order and everything was set.  Outside, it started to get cloudy and drizzled lightly.

            (New Location: Mai's living room   POV: Chat room)

Dark Magician: How goes the collection?

Kuriboh: Kuriboh thought complete, but Kuriboh find not complete.

Dark Magician: Well what else do we need?

Kuriboh: Kuriboh not sure.

            (New Location: Skies of Domino   POV: Third Person)

            Being in the air was a different approach, but a more probable one.  Kaiba peered down for the street and found it immediately.  Then a lightning bolt hit him and he fell.

            (New Location: Mai's street   Time: 7:06 AM   POV: First person)

            Where the hell is Kaiba?  He said to be here at 7:05 sharp!  I should have known he wouldn't have gotten his rich ass down here to follow through with the plan.  Oh well, I guess I'll just have to make a new plan.

            (Location: Mai's bedroom   POV: Chat room)

Joey: Man, I'm tired

Mai: You should be.

Yami: What's that supposed to mean?

Taya: Yeah!

Joey: Geez sure is gray outside.  (Opens window) Brrr! And cold!  (Closes Window)

Yami: And cloudy too.

(Piece of paper appears on bed)

Joey: What this?  (Read it) I've got sunshine.

Mai: On a cloudy day?

Yami: But it's cold outside.

Joey: Not to mention the month of May.

Taya: That is strange.

Mai: That's strange…

Taya: That's what I just said!

Mai: Oh, oops.

            (Location: Mai's living room   POV: Third person)

            Bakura was just ready to enter the house, when something fell on the sidewalk next to him.  However, Yami Bakura decided to forget about that and enter the house.

            (New POV: Chat room)

Bakura: (Enters room) what the heck…

Kuriboh: AHHHH!  (Attacks Bakura)

Bakura: Ack you freak get off, off!

Kuriboh: (Let's go of Bakura)

Dark Magician: Hmm?

Kuriboh: White haired sexy man not female.

Bakura: Damn straight!

Kuriboh: White haired sexy man have cute accent.

Bakura: Where's Mai?

Dark Magician: Who?

Bakura: Mai!

Kuriboh: Girl.

Dark Magician: I believe she is in the bedroom with Yugi and Joey.

Bakura: What!

Kuriboh: I walk in while ago and see Mai offer Joey smoke.

Bakura: Hmmm…

            (New Location: Tristan's house   POV: Chatroomesque)

Tristan: (Still making out with Serenity)

            (Location: Mai's bedroom   POV: Chat room)

Bakura: (Enters room with Kuriboh on back)

Joey: What are you here for, Bakura?

Kuriboh: Kuriboh and white haired sexy man friends.

Taya: Ooo, sexy…

Yami Yugi: Oh no, too sexy…

Bakura: Yes that's right!  I shall rule the world with my sexiness!

Mai: I'm sexier!

Bakura: Are not!

Mai: Are too!

Bakura: Are not!

Mai: Are too!

Bakura: How about we take a poll to see who's sexier?

Mai: Sure!  You know I'll win.

Bakura: You will fail!  In addition to my supreme sexiness, I have a cute British accent!

Mai: (Gasp)

Bakura: See watch, we'll talk a poll!

Mai: Alright!  Okay, everyone right their answer on a large piece of paper!

Bakura: First, let me use my sexy summon to summon Tristan, Serenity and Kaiba to take part!  (Uses sexy summon)

(Everyone rights their answer then comes up to the camera alone and Survivor-style)

(Start Survivor scene)

Joey: I choose Mai.  She's damn sexy and can do some pretty amazing things in bed.  Sexiness flows through her.

Tristan: I didn't really want to do this but… Mai is the sexier of the two.  Sorry Bakura.

Yami Yugi: Two words.  Yami Bakura.  Too sexy, I'm being suffocated…

Taya: Ooo, that Bakura is so hot; I just want to eat him up like ice cream.  Vanilla ice cream…

Kaiba: Bakura.  That silver white hair and cute accent.  Who could resist?

Dark Magician: Mai is sexier and her lingerie is just…

Serenity: (Shivers) Bakura's sexiness gives me the shivers…

Kuriboh: Kuriboh think both sexy.  Mai girl sexy.  White haired sexy man also very sexy.  Kuriboh can't decide so Kuriboh say both the sexiest.

(End survivor scene)

Bakura: Aha!  Everyone has voted, now lets see who's sexier!

Kaiba: I'll do the honors!

Mai: Fine!

Kaiba: Okay the result is… (Drum roll)… Five for Bakura and… (Another drum roll)… Four for Mai!

Mai: What!

Bakura: That's right!  I knew I was the sexiest!

Mai: That's not fair!

Bakura: Yes it is and you know it!  You know I'm sexier than you!

Mai: (trembles) But, but… We still haven't asked the readers!

Everyone: (Gasp)

A/N: (Gasp) who do you think is sexier?  Bakura or Mai?  You get one vote.  Use it wisely (Tell it in your review, which you know you want to write).  (Drool).


	4. Kuriboh want sexy Serenity

A/N: Another installment.  I don't know what to say in Author's Note's anymore.  (Drools)

            (Location: Mai's Bedroom   Time: 7:30 AM   POV: First person, narrative)

            The results are in, and you are about to see who is sexier; Bakura or Mai.  My internet's a bit screwed up and, while I get the review alerts, my computer doesn't show all the reviews.  Maybe it's just fanfiction.net though, so I don't know.  Anyway…

            (New POV: Chat room)

Kaiba: …the results are…  Mai: 6 Bakura: 7

Bakura: Ha!  I knew I was sexier!

Mai: (Starts crying)

Kuriboh: White haired sexy man wins!  Kuriboh go with him now.

Bakura: Come Kuriboh; hold my hand so I can teleport with you by using my Super Sexy Teleport!  (Teleports)

Mai: I…lost…

Joey: Don't worry; you can still be my bitch.

Mai: (Slaps Joey)

Joey: (Gets slapped)

            (New Location: my living room   POV: First person)

            Hey!  What the hell are you doing!

            (New Location: Somewhere in the Egyptian Desert   POV: First person)

            What's this!  My Millennium Rod is telling me that someone is being ultimately sexy.  This can't be happening!  I'm the supreme ruler of sexiness!

            (Location: Mai's bedroom   POV: Third person)

            Yami knelt on the ground and grabbed his head, which had suddenly starting hurting.  He looked over at Mai and Joey, who were having a heated argument, and shook hi head.  Yami's head hurt because his sexiness meter was off the charts.  There were three extremely sexy people nearby and he knew of two; the third he could only guess.

            "Stop!" he shouted, and Joey and Mai stopped their bickering.

            "What's up Yuge," Joey said.

            "It's my sexiness meter!  There are just too many sexy people around!"

            (New Location: United Airlines commercial plane   POV: Third person)

            Malik sat in his uncomfortable airplane seat for what seemed like an eternity.  He was ready.  He was ready to reclaim his sexiness over the possessor of the Ring.  It was time

            (New Location: Tristan's house   POV: Chat room)

Tristan: (Starts making out with Serenity)

(Bakura and Kuriboh break through the front door)

Bakura: Quick Kuriboh, do what we planned!

Kuriboh: (Grabs Serenity and brings her back to Bakura)

Tristan: What are you going to do with her!

Kuriboh: White haired sexy man need young sexy girl.  (Jumps on Kuriboh) Mmm, smell nice.

Tristan: But…

Bakura: (Evil laugh)

            (New Location: Domino Airport   POV: First person)

            I arrived at the Airport it what seemed a matter of seconds.  Hmm, that is weird.  Oh no!  I sense another with a sexiness meter!  But wait, that is no matter to me, I am the hot possessor of the Rod.  What?  Bakura appears to have taken a sexy girl, according to my sexy-locator.

            (New Location: Bakura's house   POV: Third Person)

            Bakura entered his house followed by Kuriboh and Serenity.  Then suddenly, a large rock hit him in the head.

            "OW!  Hey what's going on here!  My sexometer tells me that there's a sexy person very close.  Oh no!  The Arab hottie is here!  Damn you Malik!

            (Location: Mai's bedroom   POV: Third Person)

            "Quick everyone!  We have to stop him!"  Joey, Taya, Mai and the Dark Magician all followed Joey.  Kaiba disappeared mysteriously.

            (Location: Bakura's house   POV: Chat room)

Bakura: Serenity, this way!

Kuriboh: Kuriboh not let you take hot young girl yet.  Kuriboh need to finish collection.

Serenity: (Screams)

Bakura: Maybe if you tried asking, they would give it to you!

Serenity: Yes, ask me nicely and I'll consider it.

Kuriboh: (Sighs) Kuriboh want hot young girl underwear.  Please?

Serenity: Oh alright.  (Hands Kuriboh her underwear)

Kuriboh: Kuriboh feel warm and fuzzy.

Bakura: My sexometer!  He's coming.

(Hot Arab enters the house)

Malik: His Royal Sexiness has entered!

Bakura: No that's my name!

(Yugi and everyone else enter house)

Dark Magician: Is our collection complete?

Kuriboh: Not yet.

Mai and Taya: Oh, His Sexiness… (Both giggle and swarm up to him)

Yami Yugi: Damn you Malik!

Joey: Yeah, what he said!

Malik: Who's sexier now?

Bakura: That's just because you're a hot Arabian!

Yami Yugi: Can't take it anymore!  I'm hot too!

Kuriboh: Kuriboh think hot Arab man sexy.  Kuriboh think hot young girl sexier.  (Jumps on Serenity).  Kuriboh say Yami hot too.

Joey: What!  I'm sexy too!

(Silence)

Joey: Cute?  Cuddly?  Adorable?

Kuriboh: Kuriboh like cuddly blond man.

Bakura: This house is only big enough for one sexy ruler and that's me!

Mai and Taya: (Gasp)

Malik: You sure about that?

(Kaiba appears suddenly)

Kaiba: We'll have to take another poll!

Everyone: No!  God Damn it!

Kaiba: Yes!

(New POV: First person, narrative)

            Now I ask you the reader who is the supreme sexy ruler of the world.  Is it Malik, Mai, Yami Yugi, Bakura, Joey or Kuriboh?

A/N: That's it.  Tell me the sexiest, mwahaha!


	5. Kuriboh want sexy I'm running out of ide...

A/N: The Mysterious Flamer returned. And he said he liked it until the end… Uhhh, which end? There are four chapters… Anyway, Kuriboh is male. And I am MALE, MALE, a GUY. Happy Trails.

(Location: Bakura's house POV: Chat room)

Kaiba: (Receives mysterious piece of paper) Okay, the results are in. (Reads paper) And the winner is…………Malik!

Malik: Told you! No one can beat my extreme hotness and sexiness!

Yami Yugi: (Grabs throat) Ahh, suffocating…

Bakura: No, that can't be!

Mai and Taya: (Giggles)

Kuriboh: Sexy white haired man bested by bronze hottie?

Malik: Yes!

Bakura: Nooooooooo…

Dark Magician: Where did the blond one go?

Yami Yugi: What?

(New Location: Joey's house POV: First person)

Ha ha, this is gonna be so great…

(Location: Bakura's house POV: Third person)

Malik left Bakura's house at precisely 7:47 AM, followed by Taya and Mai. Bakura was still bitter about his overwhelming defeat by Malik. Yugi had also left. Now his only companions were Kuriboh and the Dark Magician. Serenity and Kaiba had disappeared mysteriously.

"Now Kuriboh," Bakura said, "We need to think of a plan to claim back my sexiness."

(New Location: CLASSIFIED POV: Chat room)

Malik: (Enters room) No doubt Bakura is plotting something to reclaim his sexiness, so I must plot something to keep him from doing that. Hmmm…

(Location: Joey's house POV: First Person)

Alright, everything's set!

(Location: Yugi's house POV: Third Person)

When Yugi got home, he put on his regular clothes, including all his fetish buckles. He was tired. Then a bird flew into his chest. That little shit.

(Location: Bakura's house POV: Third Person)

Bakura had just finished with his plot to reclaim sexiness. Kuriboh looked over his collection and figured that everything was in order. Meanwhile, the Dark Magician was using his magic to install a sexy-locator into Bakura. Then Bakura would be an unstoppable force of sexiness.

(Location: CLASSIFIED POV: Chat room)

(And now an experiment, with thanks to a happy reviewer, who knows who she/he is.)

Bakura: (Breaks into the house)

Malik: What! No! Damn you Cookie!

Bakura: That's right Maliky, you're about to be ousted.

Kaiba: (Appears) is another vote coming on?

Malik: No Kaiby, there will not be a vote in this chapter.

Kaiba: Awwww……

Yami Yugi: Where's the party?

Bakura: Put a cap on it Yummi, or is it Marshmallow?

Taya: Someone call?

Malik: Go away you Sadistic Psycho Bitch!

Taya: (Gasp)

Kuriboh: Nicknames make Kuriboh warm and fuzzy.

Yami Yugi: Ick…

(Location: Joey's house POV: First Person)

It's time…

(New Location: Tristan's house. POV: Third person)

Randomly, a small rock knocks Tristan out.

(Location: CLASSIFIED POV: Chat room)

Kaiba: Looks like we're going to have to do another vote.

Malik: For what!

Kaiba: I dunno. Because we have to.

Bakura: But I don't want to!

Malik: Yeah, me neither.

Yami Yugi: This is getting boring.

Bakura: Yeah, we need some excitement.

(POV: First person)

Exciting, I'll give them something exciting…

(POV: Chat room)

Malik: What's that scuffling sound?

Kaiba: Maybe we should another poll…

Malik: (grumble, grumble)

Kaiba: Okay then! I'll ask the readers! What is that scuffling sound? Is it A)…

Malik: (snore)

(New Location: Unknown building POV: Third person)

Little Timmy was walking. Then he tripped. He cried to his mommy. Then a one foot ball of fuzz started choking him.

(Location: CLASSIFIED POV: Chat room)

Kaiba: Okay, what is that scuffling sound? Tell me! And fast!

A/N: So, write in your review what it is. Is it Joey, trying to make a dramatic entrance? Is it Kuriboh? Am I just paranoid?


	6. Kuriboh want sexy scuffling sound

A/N: It's been two long years since I last updated this most hilarious of stories. However, in my time off I have become, bigger, stronger, and smarter. I've forgotten where I was going with this last chapter, but I figured it was time. Time for lust. Time for lie. Time to kiss your life good-bye. Ahem… (drools)

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(Location: CLASSIFIED POV: First person)

Oh man everyone's going to be so jealous. Man, I wonder why girls never complained about these, they're more uncomfortable than gay sex with Yugi. Gay sex with Yugi. Gay sex with Yugi.

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(Location: Bakura's house POV: Chat room)

Bakura: That's bizarre; we all suddenly turned up here.

Kaiba: Moo.

Yami Yugi: Apparently the results are in but I must save the world again, (sighs).

Kaiba: (Receives piece of paper from sky) Aha! Here they are! And the scuffling sound is…. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … (dies).

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(Location: My house POV: Third person)

Kuriboh awoke from his slumber just in time to hear Bakura's sexiness meter going off on the little receiver he had placed next to the Dark Magician. They immediately got up and sprinted/rolled/teleported to Bakura's house.

---

(Location: Bakura's House POV: Chat room)

Mai and Taya: (gasp)

Bakura: What an inopportune time to die. Hm.

Kuriboh and Dark Magician: (enter house)

Mai and Taya: (scream)

Bakura: (yelps)

Yami Yugi: (shudders)

Kaiba: (dead)

Malik: Oh you lot are boring… (Door is knocked down) What the hell was that? It's the scuffling noise!

Joey: (enters living room in nothing but a shiny, purple thong) the king almighty has arrived!

Bakura: (vomits on Kuriboh)

Kuriboh: Kuriboh now warm and sticky.

Malik: Wha… I don't… Whose is that?

Yami Yugi: (blushes)

Bakura: (vomits on Kaiba's dead, limp form)

---

(Location: Tristan's house POV: Chat room)

Tristan: Hold on babe, I gotta take a shit, but afterwards I'll let you touch my vagina.

---

(Location: Pearly Gates POV: Third person)

Seto Kaiba arrived at the gates exactly on time. Around him gathered thousands of other recently-deceased men. Slowly, Kaiba floated towards the gates themselves. There St. Peter greeted him.

"Welcome, Mr. Kaiba! Welcome to Heaven, the only theme park up in the sky great enough to hold a billion billion men!" Kaiba looks around.

"Where are all the women?"

"Ahaha! Don't you know? All women go to hell where they belong!" insert maniacal laugh

---

(Location: Bakura's house POV: Chat room)

Joey: Now that I have graced you all with my perfectly round and smooth bottom, I declare a re-count; a new vote!

Bakura: For what?

Yami Yugi: For the supreme sexiness ruler.

Malik: And this time, it's once and for all!

Kuriboh: Collection not yet complete…

Joey: AHHH! (runs off screaming as Kuriboh latches itself to Joey's man-thong, otherwise known as a banana hammock)

Kaiba's dead spirit: We shall ask the readers, who will write their answer on the review I know they are so willing to write.

Bakura: (vomits)

---

A/N: That's all you greedy folks! First time writing a new chapter in a whole two years! Okay here are the choices you will choose from.

Kaiba (dead though he is)

Joey (wearing Yami Yugi's thong though he is)

Bakura (vomiting though he is)

Malik (bewildered though he is)

So VOTE already you scheming bastards.


End file.
